When I first received Dallas' diagnosis, I literally felt alone on an island. Although I have the best support system in the world, I felt like no one understood how I really felt. I would often cry myself to sleep and wake up crying. I cried mostly in the shower because I knew no one would be able to hear me. My daily rides to work with consist of crying and asking God “why me?” and “why my child”. I kept all of this bottled up inside because in my mind, no one could possibly understand what I was going through.
I hate to burden other people with my problems so I carried that burden around and eventually it started to wear me down. I knew I needed help, but I could not even bring myself to verbalize how I was feeling to others. I've always been the person my family calls when they need help yet I never wanted to let anyone know I needed help or that I felt like I was dying inside.
During a doctor’s visit, a social worker in the boys' MDA Clinic informed me about counseling provided through Children's Hospital. I had my first "aha moment" during my first counseling session, the counselor forced me to see, as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn't do it all by myself. When confiding to her about how others depended on me to be the "strong one", she thoughtfully said "well, who do you call?". Anyone that knows me, knows that I am never ever speechless, but I was completely dumbfounded by her question. Even though I have a wonderful husband and support from both family and friends, even at my lowest point, I never reached out to anyone. After that first counseling session, I made the decision to be more transparent with how I was feeling and more importantly I began to ask for help. I had to dig deep to get in the habit of asking for help, but I immediately could feel the weight of the world lifting off my shoulders. My next breakthrough came when I received an email about a support group meeting for mothers of children with disabilities. It was about 4 years ago when I attended my first meeting, and it was at that moment I finally realized there were mothers who understood exactly what I was feeling. I literally cried from the time I sat down until I left. There was a floodgate of emotions knowing that I was finally surrounded by women who "got it". The support from the group helped me so much that I often encouraged other mothers to attend because the last thing I want is for someone to feel alone. This is the journey that God chose for me and you, but it doesn't mean we have to walk it alone. This group was started with you in mind because I know how hard it can be. Let's take this journey together and inspire each other along the way.